Newly Renovated?” …If By Renovated You Mean Musty Mold & Leftover Hair
Wow. What a gem! If you love sleeping in a damp carpet that smells like wet dog and mold, this is your dream vacation spot. Who needs clean sheets when you can play “find the stranger’s hair” in your bed and on your facecloth? Bonus points for the black mold ring in the microwave and hair in the fridge—because nothing says luxury like a side of fungus with your leftovers.
The king bed? Felt like lying in a sinkhole. The “updated” bathroom? Dirty tub, grimy window—super chic. Pro tip: keep your shoes on at all times unless you’re into squishy carpet adventures.
If you have allergies, asthma, or, you know, standards—do yourself a favor and book literally anywhere else. Photos look nice because Photoshop is free. Reviews are glowing because apparently fiction is too.