I’ve stayed in some questionable holes-in-the-wall over the years, but nothing prepared me for the absolute horror show that is the Red Roof Inn on Michigan Avenue in Detroit. For $70 a night, I expected a bare-bones room. What I got instead was an assault on all five senses—and an immediate refund request. Here’s the blow-by-blow:
Smell: A Four-Alarm Disaster
Moldy funk so powerful it could knock a grown adult off their feet.
Urine odor wafting through the hallway (and yes, seeping under my door).
Stale vomit stench in the corners, suggesting previous guests had more than a rough night—they left their mess behind.
Marijuana haze heavy enough that I suspected it was baked into the carpet.
Sight: Curtains, Carpet & Furniture Nightmares
Curtains sporting a massive, dark stain—possibly years old.
Carpet riddled with mysterious blotches that I refused to step on barefoot.
Dresser: one drawer completely missing, two more hanging off the tracks and filled with old fast-food wrappers and who-knows-what.
Touch: Bugs & Broken Plumbing
Bathroom: small crawling insects I chased off the walls.
Broken plunger propped beside the toilet, more for show than function. (Good luck if you actually need it.)
Taste: (Thank God, None)
Even the bedding smelled so foul that I couldn’t imagine risking a bite of breakfast while in that room. Note: the nearby Holiday Inn across the street served a surprisingly decent free breakfast—and I would have eaten it there if I hadn’t dashed over as soo